E 237 The Practice of Enoughness

Today we explore the idea of inner and outer enoughness.  What defines our sense of enough?  What are some practices to help us recalibrate towards a sense of enoughness?  Join as we explore the importance of this practice in our daily lives.

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Transcript

The Practice of Enoughness

Christina: [00:00:00] Hello. It's great to be with you. Today we are talking about the practice of enoughness. And this has been a topic we've been talking about both in our professional lives as well as in our home lately. And I think by and large, this is a product of our culture that we live in that tends to feed into mindsets of comparison and scarcity and the sense of not enough pulls at us in a variety of ways.

And so I think what can often happen is that this not enough feeling can become almost like a low grade nagging in the background of our mind. So that even when we do have moments of feeling like we are enough or life is enough, it can quickly flee because these other thoughts are lingering in the background, ready to pounce in.

And I think that the struggle with enoughness, it's a very normal human experience that we all have to navigate from time to time. I find it hits all ages, all different demographics and personalities. So for example, a younger person may feel [00:01:00] limited because they don't feel like they have enough experience and they're operating out of that not enough.

Maybe a middle aged person might feel like I don't have enough time. I am in caring for different people and careers and I don't have enough time. Maybe a senior might feel a sense of not enoughness as it relates to stamina or energy. Again, those are just a couple of random examples, but I think regardless of our career accomplishments, our fame, we all struggle with a sense of enoughness.

And so I think it begs the question, what does enough even mean and how do we define that so that we can live and practice this? And I, again, I do think it's a practice of enoughness that we have to keep going back to over and over again. And so in one of the mastermind groups that I facilitate, and Chris is also facilitating a group spiritual companionship in everyday life.

We've been using this framework that I wanna share today on the podcast. And just as a little side note, I will do a plug if you're interested in maybe participating in either of our mastermind groups or the spiritual [00:02:00] companionship in everyday life, please do reach out, check out our website for more information.

We're gonna be starting some new groups up in January, so Okay. Plug aside. So the framework that we've been using is one of outer enoughness and inner enoughness, and I think these areas certainly intersect and impact each other, but I also think it's helpful to look at them individually. So let me just define what I'm talking about with outer enoughness.

I'm defining that as a feeling or lack of scarcity around our outer world and reality. So this can include feeling like things like, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough resources, I don't have enough success or impact. It's our outward measures. And then inner enoughness, how I'm describing it today, touches on our sense of e internal worth or validation.

So things like, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I don't measure up, I'm an imposter. And it can be a place where shame lives. And so today on the podcast, we just wanna take some time to unpack these two ideas of both outer enoughness [00:03:00] and inner enoughness. So Chris, as I bring up this topic, what comes up for you today?

Chris: I think your definition is super helpful. I really appreciate this idea of inner enoughness and outer enoughness and, thinking about. The notion of inner enoughness, I think about emotions. Like what type of emotions are we feeling? What are we having? I think we've all heard a little bit about the inner critic, voices from our past, speaking to us and.

I think in pre previous years we would use words like insecure or things, things like that to describe where we're at our, in, in our interior world what's going on. And yeah, I think this enoughness to me. Is a little bit softer. It lands a little bit softer than insecure.

I think Insecure has such a, just a negative connotation to it. So I [00:04:00] appreciate just the definition that you've given of inner enoughness, outer enoughness. So those are my initial thoughts. 

Christina: Yeah. And again, just maybe building off of that, I think that. And maybe I'll just start with the inner enoughness, right?

That, that core sense of our inherent worth and value. That our value isn't based on, what we achieve, but who we are. And I remember in my early twenties, I was sitting in a seminary class and the instructor said, God can't love you any more or any less than you are right now. And. Said it multiple times and made us write it down in our notebook.

And that statement was a little bit disorienting to me, to be honest, because I think it shattered my perception that what I do equates to the amount of love that God can gives, or the fact that like I'm already as loved as I can be. Like I'm already the beloved of God, of the divine, and so I can't achieve more, nor can I lose that standing.

Yes, I can. I can. I can foster closeness or a sense of intimacy or depth or [00:05:00] whatever that is, but the sense of my inherent worth and value, wasn't gonna change based on that moment. And as I did a deep dive study into that and wrapping my head around that concept of being the beloved, it changed my life.

It really did. It was just a very formative lecture that I heard in my early twenties and really allowing that to seep into the core of my being. And I think a lot of times too, when we come from that place of feeling like I am, I'm held, I'm provided for, I'm the beloved, to your point, the insecure that you're naming earlier, that's a very secure place.

And I think a lot of my risk taking in my twenties and the way that I interacted with the world came from that basis and that groundedness of. I was really discovering who I was on the interior and feeling that enoughness, and it was coming out in the outer world as well of feeling like it doesn't matter what my resources say or look like, I know that I'm held and provided for.

And so there was this. Energy in me to reach for more and to trust for more and to try and to take [00:06:00] those risks. But again, like I alluded to earlier, it's a practice of enoughness. And I think sometimes, even though that was a really strong grounding for me, that outer enoughness does creep in as the older you get, more responsibilities you have and really having to keep coming back to that place of center of being the beloved and having that place of abundance in which I'm.

Operating from. And so truly it has become a practice. I think there was a jumpstart from that lecture that I heard in that deep dive study that I did, but I think it's a continual, a continuation of returning to and reminding myself and growing in those spaces. And that's a couple of things that come up for me.

Chris: Yeah. And I think and feel that sometimes e enoughness is a spiritual experience. Having that core of who you are, your identity a lot of times the interplay of inner enoughness and outer enoughness, sometimes we get those mixed up, right? If I have enough outwardly or if I have enough material, I will feel that I am enough, and so I think [00:07:00] the notion of, inner enoughness. It, that feeling of being held , that security and sometimes I, to be honest with you, there, there have been times in my life where I felt like the divine was far away. And there was this season that I was going through that.

Even though I didn't feel close to the divine, or, I was doing all the things that I'm supposed to do. And I still didn't have that that, that connection. But underneath it all I had stability. I had a structure, I had a feeling. Of knowing that God was there. And so I just find that to be really curious about our inner journeys, right?

So something that would seem like you should be insecure because the things that you're doing are not working, but yet you find yourself being okay in the desert or whatever metaphor you want to use to. Describe that place, , that place, maybe it's not just inwardly. [00:08:00] It could be a place of maybe you've experienced bankruptcy or something like that.

But having that sense that God is with you that the divine is with you I think is really something that grabs my curiosity about people's journeys. 

Christina: Yeah. And that also reminds me of a different lecture in seminary where we were talking about these practices that we do and how it creates grooves in our brains, in our spirits, our souls.

And he used the analogy of learning a language and how, when we learn languages when we're younger, even if we go through periods of times where we don't speak that language and we return back to it, those grooves are already dug. And so it's a much easier on-ramp to go back to those languages.

'cause we've already, created those neuropathways or whatever it is that, I'm sorry I'm not a language expert, but whatever it is in our brain that does that, and we can return to that. Same thing, like if you haven't rode a bike in years or whatever, it comes back to you. And so I think this idea that you're describing as well of we have that sense and then when we have times where we feel distant or.[00:09:00] 

Whatever it is that we're going through, we can return back to those grooves. And if we've never developed them before, then there's always opportunity to grow and to try now and to lean into those spaces, right? That we're, we have our whole lives to have this journey of discovery. And I think too, there's certainly times when I am in unhealthy spots and outer enoughness.

Is real, right? Do I have that And I feel the scarcity, or I feel the pressure of there's a lot going on. Do I have the time, do I have what I need, et cetera. And when the inner and outer or at discord with each other, that's very real and that's stressful and I can feel that. But the times when I'm healthy and I am in that place that we're describing of that secure inner enoughness, when the outer enoughness comes to me and wants to press in.

I can recognize that you know what this limit that I'm experiencing right now, perhaps there's a sacredness to it. Perhaps there's something that I need to accept as a limit right now, and it's actually for my good and for my benefit. And so rather than resisting or pressing oh, I'm not [00:10:00] enough and my outer resources aren't enough, and I have to press and strive and do that, actually there's a piece that comes with that.

I think of the Serenity Prayer, right? Which is a beautiful prayer that I've been returning to lately of this, help me to accept the things that I cannot change. Courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference. And I think we're constantly faced with these things of this is a limit that, you know what?

You can do something about it. And there's something in me, in my inner enoughness that needs to grow and. Reach a little bit deeper to go there, but there's sometimes too where I just have to let it be and it's completely outta my control, and I need to accept that as sacred. And so I think that for me, again, has been really helpful.

And I, I think back to episode 2 34 when we were talking about Ignatius of Loyola, who he had a transformation in his life when he was bedridden, right? So it was in his sickness that he had a limitation. And through that limitation, rather than having it become this limiting belief and him being depressed for the rest of his life, he actually, that became a [00:11:00] transformational point for him.

And so again, I think that. For me, I am learning to maybe see the outer enoughness with a different lens. Sometimes that, sometimes it's a sacred limit. My body's saying, Nope, we're gonna be resting and that's okay. Or yep, there's a lot going on, and so we have to cut some things out that you love or whatever, but it's not what you're called to do for this season, and to be okay with that.

To recognize that it's not a sign of complacency or apathy, but accepting that grounding truth is always shifting and changing and paying attention to that again, hence the practice that we're describing today. That it's a practice, it's a tuning into. 

Chris: . I love what you just mentioned about limits and, I think another word that has been used over the centuries is a word for pruning.

Like cutting back making space for more is another way of describing it. So what you're doing right now in the present, you're cutting some things away. I've been. Doing some yard work and so cutting back [00:12:00] some of my bushes. And I've been doing that over the past couple years and just noticing the flourishing that happens when pruning exists in healthy plants.

Even just mentioning my connectedness to the outside world and how the seasons. How plants, how animals, the cycles that they go through, my connectedness to them is such a help to my own inner journey, right? And so I really appreciate what you're bringing up about limiting.

And just you're delaying

or you're cutting back on something for your future self. And I really like that idea.

Christina: Yeah. And again, that's prefacing when that's in my healthy spot. And so I think some ways that I try to get in touch with that, and again if you're listening in real time this week in the US is Thanksgiving week I know different. Cultures or places in the world celebrate that maybe at different times or different iterations.

And the thought of thanks and gratitude is definitely in the air. But to be fair, I think that this idea of enough and [00:13:00] having enough with contentment and taking stock of what I already have, rather than living into the anxiety for what I lack or what I perceive to be a lack. And I think taking that time to ground myself and to find satisfaction in my current situations matters to me.

And. It helps me to be present in the moment and gratitude for the existing resources and relationships and experiences. And from that place, if there truly is then a lack or there's invitation or desire or need for more, that's real. Sometimes we do want more, whether it's in or out, or sometimes it's I have something in me that needs to grow.

I don't have enough. Whatever it is, patience or courage or. Feeling confident in myself to put myself out there or whatever it is. We all struggle with that, but I'm first gonna take stock of what is there and take gratitude in that. And then to me, that's a very grounding practice that helps me with that.

Same with the outer enoughness instead of just ugh, I don't have, I don't have, or waking up feeling a sense of lack. Taking a [00:14:00] pause and saying those things may be true and I do feel like I need X, Y, Z and maybe it's legit, there's data there, but I'm actually gonna take stock first in just maybe naming a couple areas where I sense enough.

And it's amazing how that practice of the enoughness as it relates to gratitude and grounding and again, that appreciation really does something and I think helps in that fluctuation that we often fear feel in life, that's just very real in the world that we live in.

Chris: , Absolutely. I appreciate you naming. Yeah, I appreciate you naming that. The practice of gratitude. And what is I think for me, a practice that's. Also been really helpful is the practice of stillness and silence. And you can obviously practice gratitude and stillness and silence, but I think we have so much busyness, there's so much noise.

You and so you. I'm a type of person, if there's a lot going on internally, like it's, it crowds out my ability to feel enough. And [00:15:00] so going to the place of silence, for me it's out in nature. And realizing that, wow, it's like things aren't that, that it's not as myopic as I was.

Whenever I had all that internal going on. And so for me I've really appreciated stillness. Stillness then leads me to gratitude, and then gratitude is absolutely so helpful. So I appreciate you naming that. 

Christina: I think I have found too, when I start at that place of what is enough, and again, I think that's a question, that's a revolving question, an evolving question, right?

What is enough? How do we define that? I think that changes, I think it's shaped by our maybe spiritual experiences, our culture, our personality, life situations, all of that, right? But when I start with, okay. Maybe I don't feel like I have enough or am enough or whatever, but I'm gonna start with that basis.

It's amazing. Then what kind of creative ideas come forth? What kind of opportunities open up? I don't know. There's something very mystical in, I think it having that and then it's like God is with us, right? God is on my [00:16:00] side. I am the beloved, like I mentioned earlier, and coming from that place of fullness and abundance, then I think doors open.

It was interesting. I was listening to someone the other day talk about miracles or like asking God to do stuff for them, and they were saying in their younger years it was like you'd she'd pray this thing and then just hope that something would happen and open up where now when, and she believes in those things happening, but now when she prays, it's with the intention of, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask for this, and then.

What's mine to do and how are we gonna like collaborate with the spirit to see that come into fruition? And so the miracle isn't so much in this outer circumstance changing or some something just dropping into our laps as much as it is. How does that come into my inner being and my.

What can I, create, or who can I talk to or what's my role in co-creating that miracle, which just felt so empowering to me hearing her describe that. And so I love the idea of turning around the sense of enoughness into this collaborative space with the spirit to really generate and create and [00:17:00] experience and enjoy and all the things that we want life to be, both from an inner and outer perspective.

Chris: Yeah, I really appreciate this story. I think one of the things that, that comes up for me, and it's something I've asked a few people, it's like, how does your your faith or your religious tradition, how does it inform enoughness and how does it speak to. Enoughness. And I think some of us come from a place including myself, like enoughness was actually, in or desire all those things, whether I got them in a way that come across as negative or whether it's actually taught that way.

I don't want to say, but this idea that less is more, it's like more spiritual to have less. It's more spiritual to be humble. It's more spiritual to be in poverty. What, whatever tradition you come from, there's this idea [00:18:00] that you're heroic if you do these things. And I don't know, I think that goes back to inner enoughness, right?

Am I doing it for the right reasons, and I think. God gives us desires and we have to figure out those desires. What's the reason, what's the why behind that desire? If I want. If I want, whatever it is, what's the why behind that? Is it gonna lead to more connectedness?

Is it gonna look? What do I really want? I think that's the question that I often ask myself is, or I ask other people, what do I really want? What is the goal of having this? And oftentimes it's more connectedness.

Christina: Yeah. So as you can tell, this is again, a very living conversation that we're leaning into and living into personally, professionally, within our family, with our kids. Our kids are actually in the process of writing a. Children's musical. We're working on this together as a family, and the basis of is around [00:19:00] enoughness and, feeling like we're not good enough or we compare ourselves to others.

It's about this artist and colors and all these things, and Mr. Gray comes and he feels sad 'cause the other colors are more vibrant than he is. And so it's this whole play that they're writing. But again, I think it was it was interesting. The other day I was in Che, EPT. Asking, from a nine yearold perspective or a 7-year-old perspective, what are limiting beliefs or feelings of this?

And just to see yep. And as I read it, it's yeah, I think a 7-year-old would say something like that and feeling with their friendships or things at school or how they look. Sadly that's the case, right? And I think that. Again, it hits all ages and demographics and personalities and et cetera.

And so I think, again, hopefully this podcast can encourage us to whatever it is for you, that practice of enoughness and things that help you to come into that sense of both inner and outer enoughness just feels really pertinent. And Chris, I don't dunno if you have any final thoughts for us.

Chris: I think you summed it up beautifully. I love it. 

Christina: Thank you so much for this conversation and again, if you are interested in learning more about this and participating in some of the groups that Chris and I [00:20:00] facilitate, please do email us at roberts contemplative@gmail.com and would love to get you some information.

And now is the part of the podcast where we take a moment to talk about what we are into. So what are we into? 

Chris: I have really been into Luther Ear videos, so I've been watching a lot of videos about different tone woods. It is my desire, my dream to make. My own guitar one day, a beautiful guitar.

And so I've really been into videos of some really skilled lures all across the world and just watching them make a guitar from start to finish listening to them talk about the different woods and, the woods that make your bass more resonant or your mids more resonant.

And so just a history of guitars in general. I'm get I'm learning a lot learning about guitar making has been what I've been into recently. 

Christina: Very fun. I have been into advent calendars. I don't [00:21:00] think maybe I grew up with a couple of times doing advent calendars, but that's something with our kids that we've done that tradition and it's super fun.

And I feel like now there's all sorts of really interesting advent calendars. So I was at the grocery store the other day and they had different chocolate ones, but then they had a beauty one with like little beauty products and whatnot. And we're gonna be decorating a tree this weekend and getting our households.

Spiffed up for the holidays, and so I am looking forward to handing out Advent calendars and beginning that tradition. So that's what I'm into. Thank you so much for joining us today, and until next time, make it a great week.